Fighting With Self Hatred

I usually document things I am learning and experiencing. One of them is self-hatred.I decided to share some of my notes on that

02:11 AM October 29, 2021 messed up .

11:08 PM January 15,2022
I am feeling bad, take today as example. I literally did nothing and it’s 15th. It means I almost wasted another month. No growth. I am 20. Incapable of doing something valuable or important

08:20 PM Jan 31, 2022
So immature, what’s wrong with me?

05:56 PM Feb 11, 2022
It is happening a lot

09:23 PM Feb 27, 2022
All I can do is sleep, eat and groan. Disgusting

01:18 AM March 4, 2022
Alhamduallilah everything is fine

11:06 AM March 16, 2022
The only solution I see for this is “doing exceptionally good” or just get busy with something, so that I don’t have time to think about it

11:17 PM April 10, 2022
bear it

07:59 PM May 13, 2022
Learn to digest sadness

02:07 PM May 15, 2022
Things seem to be heavy, but aren’t they supposed to be like that?

05:42 AM May 26, 2022
I feel like I lost the control totally.

10:24 PM May 31, 2022
Am I only the one who feels this way?

06:10 PM June 21, 2022
Most of the time I think that I am wasting life. Waste, waste, waste

09:29 PM July 15, 2022
Indecisive . Just learn to choose

03:23 PM August 2, 2022
We are here to be examined, it is supposed to be hard and painful

01:35 PM August 5, 2022
Biggest unhappiness is when someone hate oneself…

08:27 PM September 10, 2022
I know I deserve even worse

09:24 PM November 29, 2022
I have problems with self-acceptance, any type of media that includes me is strongly analyzed before putting it on the Net. I guess I am shy and coward too.

10:09 PM December 5, 2022
I deserve it, I screwed it .

03:56 PM February 16, 2023 I somehow understand now what’s like to feel lonely among people

04:25 PM March 17, 2023
I make a lot of mistakes

07:55 AM June 27, 2023
They just don’t understand it

12:46 AM December 8, 2023
Just burnt another 5 hours for nothing

05:02 AM April 5, 2024
Hate coming back

12:42 AM August 12, 2024
I just think that if another person got the chances I have, he would have used it better, you know